The Furry Bible
by gayfurry
Summary: It's the Holy Bible, but rewritten as self-insertion furry slash fiction!
1. Genesis: The Garden of Eden

My name is Jamie, and I'm a horny Oryx. I was wondering around the Garden of Eden one bright and beautiful morning. I looked around at all the other beautiful animals, seeing a sexy young Impala who made my Oryx balls fill with a hot, steamy desire to discharge. But really, that Impala was nothing. I was looking for Adam.

Adam. He's a stallion. A powerful, muscular stallion. Every time I see him I just want to thrust my Oryx cock into his stallion ass so bad. I imagine his big bushy tail whipping around my stomach as I thrust it in and out of him repeatedly.

There he is! Oh Adam, my love. Look at your big powerful shoulders... your long distinguished snout and your enormous, slurping tongue! You are truly the most dignified creature in the entire garden. All creatures great and small bow down to you. You and your rippled, muscular legs!

But what is this? It's that foxy bitch, Eve. That's why you're not paying attention to me. I watch your tongue caress her long furry snout, orange hairs collecting in the saliva on your tongue. Why is it you love that conniving, devious temptress when I would be forever yours?

You're kissing. Your massive stallion tongue is filling her snout, bulging out from under her fangs. She's so tiny compared to you! I've got to do something... I can't let this continue.

"Hey there sexy! Adam! Hello-o!" I say, wandering up to the stallion and fox locked in a passionate kiss.

"Piss off, ya fuckin' wanker!" screams Adam, kicking me in the face with his rear hoof. I go tumbling down the path. As the pain sets in while blood begins trickling down freshly opened wounds, I can't help but feel aroused.

Noticing that Adam was now consumed by his passionate lovemaking session with Eve, I mount him as best I can, stressing my forelimbs as hard as possible to get as high as I possibly can. I begin rubbing my erect cock on Adam's body, repeatedly catching the flap of skin between his rear leg and the rest of his body, and feeling the lovely tingling sensation of my dickhead caressing his soft fur. As I thrust a few more times I feel my erect cock briefly touch his.

I'm flung to the side with incredible force, crashing into a pine tree behind me. As the needles stick into my skin painfully I can't help but feel further aroused. My vision comes from a red blur back into focus, and I see Adam's angry nostrils snorting at me, hard. He begins beating me with his front hooves, neighing loudly.

"Wot the fuck did ya have to go and do that for then eh?" he asks, taking a hoof across my face and opening up a long bloody gash. He briefly relents, apparently waiting for an answer. I sit there quietly as the blood accumulates, dripping down the side of my mouth. As a droplet slips across my lips, I start licking it up with my tongue. Mmm... my own blood.

"What can I say, Adam?" I begin, pausing to lick up a bit more of my blood. "My cock's not going to blow its load until I hump you silly"

Adam snorts loudly, turning around to jam his ass into my face. As he lifts his tail up I catch sight of his big bulging testicles and long, erect dick. However, I can't pay attention to them that long as soon as soon my entire body is covered with shit... Adam's shit. As I begin panicking at the pungent odor and the realization that I'm covered with shit, I feel two hooves slam into my body, one in my face and one in my chest. The force is enough to completely knock the wind out of me while simultaneously dazing me, and I quickly slip into unconsciousness.

--

I wake up with the stinging pain of shit smeared all over my festering sores. Note to self: cease further advances on Adam. Yeah, I'm in a lot of pain here. I begin wondering about infection. I should probably go find a river to wash myself off in. Just got to stand up first.

Yeah, ow. Seriously, OW. I notice the elbow joint on my front leg appears to have exposed bone. And it's covered in shit. Jesus, Adam sure fucked me up good. I can't get up. I may as well just lie here covered in shit and die.

Oh look, it's Eve. What the fuck does that stupid bitch want? Get out of here.

"Oh my goodness, look at what Adam has done to you!" she exclaims.

"Fuck off, you skanky little trollop," I groan.

"Now there," she coos, "don't be such a little cunt. Let me help you"

She crawls underneath my body, pushing up as hard as she can. Yeah, like that's going to get anything done there, you stupid shit. I weigh like... probably around ten times what you weigh. I vainly try to stand, only to collapse on top of her.

She howls and yelps, until eventually I manage to roll over, unpinning her.

"You piece of shit!" she screams. "How could you do that? I was trying to help you"

"It's your own damn fault," I snort. "That was your stupid idea, not mine"

She growls at me, which I'd normally find pretty pathetic but I just got the shit beaten out of me and can't really defend myself right now.

"And to think I felt sorry for you," she snaps. "I'm gonna go get Adam to come finish the job"

My only consolation is she looks ridiculous covered in shit. Shit she rubbed off of me. Fuck, I must look ridiculous covered in shit too.

I see her scamper off into the garden. The pain overwhelms me to the point that I lie down, closing my eyes until endorphins neutralize the pain enough for me to be able to pass out.

--

I awaken with a hoof to the ribs. Oh, hi there Adam.

"Did ya cover my Eve in shit?" Adam asks, snorting in a manner quite scary to a bloody, broken, shit-covered Oryx.

"Umm, no?" I respond. It always worked for Beavis and Butthead, right?

"Apparently ya missed my message the first time. It seems like ya got a wee bit of learning ta do still"

I feel Adam slip his hot, engorged phallus into my asshole. Instant ecstasy shoots throughout my body, numbing my painful shit covered sores. He begins pumping harder and harder. I feel my sphincter and colon stretching in a pleasurably stinging manner. His dick rubs repeatedly against my prostate, and I feel fluid beginning to leak out of my cock.

Suddenly, he pulls out.

"And let that be a lesson to ya!" he shouts, running off into the garden.

Eve is standing there. She has a perplexed look on her face.

"I wanted him to kill you." she intones. "Instead he assrapes you. You probably got off on that shit, didn't you"

"Of course," I respond proudly, or at least as proudly as I can while covered in shit. "I'm a horny Oryx, after all"

"Those big bulging balls of yours," she asks. "Is that what's making you misbehave"

"No, of course not!" I scream with fear.

"Look at them... how pathetic" she says, nuzzling her snout against my underside so as to expose my balls. "How would you feel if I chewed them off"

"You evil bitch!" I scream.

"E-vil?" she asks. "What is e-vil"

"You know," I say, "Evil! Things like chewing people's balls off"

"I still don't understand. Can you explain more?" she questions.

"Oh right," I say. "You haven't eaten from the tree"

"Tree?" she asks. "What tree"

"Why, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil!" I say. "It's right next to you. See, eat some fruit, and all will become clear"

Eve rears up onto her hind legs and snags a low-hanging apple. After munching on it for a bit, her eyes fill with a scary passion. She spontaneously drops the apple out of her mouth and snaps her jaws around my balls. The pain of her fangs slicing through my testicles completely overwhelms all other senses in my body as my hearing ceases and my vision goes bright white. The only sensation left in my body is the feeling of my dick going rock hard.

I sit in utter agony for a few moments before the pain once again overtakes me and I pass out yet again.

--

I awaken in the dusty wasteland surrounding the Garden of Eden. Its tall hedges loom in the skyline, an impenetrable barrier protecting the garden from reentry. I look around confused... how did I get out here, and why?

I'm surrounded by dozens of other animals, all former denizens of the garden. I see Adam and Eve as well, sobbing and reeling in shame.

The sexy young Impala is nudging me, asking me if I'm alright. I manage to creek onto my knees, my legs crying out in pain.

"What in the fuck just happened?" I ask.

"God showed up," said the Impala. "You know, the lion guy. He said Adam and Eve were forbidden to eat apples cause they're evil. And that some agent of evil gave Eve an apple and well, things fell apart from there. Rumor has it that it was some snake. We're all gonna form a brute squad later and beat the shit out of that fucking snake"

"Oh yeah, totally... I saw a snake give her the apple, for sure"

"Hey look!" screamed the Impala, "it's the snake! GET HIM"

A rhino, a tiger, an ocelot, and the Impala all go charging after the snake.

"It'sssssss not me!" the snake hissed.

"YOU IDIOTS!" shouted Eve. "It wasn't the snake! It was that fucking shit covered Oryx over there"

Oh fuck.

"GET HIM!"

The absolute terror of fearing for my life is suddenly assuaged as I feel a rhino's cock slide up my ass. The tiger sticks his dick in my mouth, and the ocelot climbs under me and starts sucking on my balls. The Impala starts sucking on my cock.

"Oh, I love you guys", I say to them as we sink into a beautiful furry orgy.

--

THE END


	2. Genesis: Noah's Ark

My name is Jamie, and I'm a horny oryx. One bright and beautiful morning I was warnding around the desert, looking for something to drink. I looked around at all the other beautiful animals, seeing a sexy young camel who made my oryx balls fill with a hot, steamy desire to discharge. But really, that camel was nothing. I was looking for Noah.

Noah is a strong, noble goat with a rippled physique and balls the size of walnuts. Yesterday as I was wandering around looking for something to rub my dick on, I saw him, and instantly got hard. His throbbing muscles pulsated as he walked towards me, flashing a sexy grin and looking rather sly and cagey.

"Hey there Jamie," he said, playing it up like Troy McClure. "I'm having a party on my yacht tomorrow... a swinger's party."

"I love swinging!" I exclaimed. "My fantasy is to lie there going back and forth as a hundred guys pound me up the ass! I mean, I already have the gift."

"Well great then," smiled Noah. "We're certainly looking for gifted individuals for this party! Just be sure to bring a female companion."

"WHAT?!" I shouted, angered and confused.

"You do understand what swinging is," said Noah, "don't you?"

"Isn't it when you lie in a harness that swings back and forth with your asscheeks spread for easy penetration and a bunch of guys get in a line and pound you up the ass one by one?"

"Oh jesus christ no!" groaned Noah, reeling off to the side and covering his mouth with his forelimb as if he were about to hurl. "It's a wife swapping party."

"Awwwwwww," I moaned. "Well I'm gay so I don't have a wife. Can I come anyway?"

"Nope," snapped Noah, "sorry, that's the one rule. You have to bring a wife, girlfriend, female friend, or acquaintance of the opposite gender. Or perhaps if you really want to you can bring a tranny, at least there's some demand for that sort of thing. Just don't show up alone."

"Right!" I shouted with glee. "Well, see you there?"

"Yep. Remember... _DON'T COME ALONE!_"

--

I arrived at the party dressed in drag per Noah's instructions. His yacht sucks. The entire thing is up on blocks and not even out floating on the ocean. What the hell was this guy thinking? The whole thing looks as if he built it himself. It's ugly, misshapen, and looks like if he ever tried to put it out on the ocean it would sink. And look at that massive gangway all the way up to the deck! If I were designing that thing I'd just put some gigantic doors in the side. I mean, that's how I've always seen Noah's Ark depicted. Not as if the thing needs to float... it's a giant boat out in the middle of the desert.

The line to get into this place is huge. And people are staring at me. There's a nice pig couple behind me, and all they do is sit there and squeal. They're laughing at me. I'm sure of it. I keep trying to sneak a glance at them, but every time they catch me doing it they just start squealing again. I swear, if they don't stop that shit I'm going to be feasting on bacon. Slowly we trudge up the ramp, only to stop again with my two mortal enemies laughing behind my back.

At least the marmoset couple in front of me seems nice. Or perhaps they're just happy I haven't crushed one of them yet.

The pigs are at it again. What the hell do they find so funny? I turn around to face them only to find a pair of passenger pigeons standing behind the pigs laughing at me as well. I'm furious. Why am I the subject of ridicule? Is it because I came alone?

I near the front of the line. There's Noah. He sees me! Oh, my. He doesn't look happy.

"JAMIE!" he screams. "Seriously, what the fuck did I tell you? _DON'T COME ALONE!_"

"But I came as a tranny!" I explained. "I thought you didn't want to upset the ratio."

"Seriously, fella," says Noah, "you call yourself a tranny? With your oversize novelty genetalia?"

"That's normal for an oryx" I contine to explain.

"No, seriously it's not." says Noah, "Guy, I know what an oryx cock looks like. That's not it. Perhaps you're familiar with human genetalia. Well, that's what you're sporting. And take it from me, no human has a cock that large. And you're trying to call yourself a tranny because you've stretched a pair of panties around a minute fraction of its surface area? Seriously guy, you should get yourself checked out."

I feel disturbed by Noah's ignorance. My entire party vibe has been crushed. "Okay," I say, "I'll go."

"Finally!" squealed one of the pigs behind me.

I trudge off to the side of the gangway. I feel rejected, yet strangely aroused. I stare into the entrance longingly, watching as Noah admits the pigs into the party.

Nobody wants me, but my dick is ripping through my undersized panties as it throbs for some action. The line behind me shoves foward, blocking my entire view of the entrance.

And Noah's view of me. Hmm... I devise a cunning plan. Everyone is staring at the doorway, and to my left is a small window I could jump to. Too bad there's no way I could make that jump as an oryx. If only I were an orangutan.

But I'm entirely in control here. I decide to stop being an oryx. Now I'm an orangutan. I leap off the ground and reach out with my incredibly long arms, snagging the ledge and swinging myself up onto it. I slip my feet off the window sill and find myself amidst a large crowd of diverse animals who are all standing around making chit chat. Well, that was easy. Now I'm an oryx again. I wander into the party and begin to mingle.

--

"AN ORYX?" shouts a loud fattened hippo above the boisterous ambient noise. "You don't say!"

"Actually," I say cunningly, "I didn't say. You certainly know your obscure African antelope species."

"You sure are pretty," says the hippo before pirching a mug on his lower lip and dumping the contents into his mighty mouth, most of which manages to go down his throat. He glances on me with a glazed, booze-ridden look before asking "Are you sure you're really a lady?"

"Aww sweetie," I say, walking up to him to nuzzle my neck against his jaw and tusks. "Of course I'm a lady!"

"Well all right then," he says, "let's fuck!"

We wander out of the bar area of the yacht into one of the many private stalls. I begin pulling up my skirt.

"That sure is one misshapen vagina you have," says the hippo. "It almost looks like a dick!"

"That''s my clitoris," I coo.

"Oh!" screams the hippo. "Well then it shouldn't be hard to find!"

Thunder cracks outside and flashes down the hallway. The hippo rips of the shreds of panties I have remaining, exposing my large, erect, human-shaped penis. Hippo lips surround my cock as I feel his tongue bouncing my dick between his tusks.

--

"Harry Hippo!" shouted the silhouette of a goat-shaped figure. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Before I know what's happening, the hippo's lips are pryed away from my dick, his teeth accidently nipping the tip. The pain arouses me and I spooge a small amount of preejaculatory fluid.

"Harry Hippo!" shouts the shadow figure again. "Seriously, what were you doing?"

Harry Hippo stares up into the light with a confused, drunken glare. He squints his eyes and rubs his chin, then remarks "I was making love to a beautiful lady."

"THIS?!" shouts Noah. "This is what you call a lady?"

"She said she was a lady" remarked the hippo.

Noah shoved aside the drunken hippo and came storming up to me.

"Do you have any fucking clue what's going on?" he asked me.

"No?" I remarked.

"Look outside the fucking window," Noah said, pointing down the hallway.

I look and see torrential rains pouring into an ocean as far as the eye can see. Wait, what? Ocean? I thought we were in the middle of the desert.

"We're on a _MISSION FROM GOD!_" says Noah with a newly found crazy look in his eye. "I didn't want couples here for a swinger's party. I wanted them here to _REPOPULATE THE EARTH_."

"Oh really?" I remark, "Then why were you fine with me bringing a tranny here?"

"Oh for the love of God shut up and stop fucking with the plot progression," says Noah. "We're gonna be stuck here... together... for the next 40 days and 40 nights."

"Kind of like Lent?" I ask.

"What the fuck?" remarks Noah, "No, nothing like Lent. Shut up. Seriously."

--

I'm glad to see Noah finally likes my cock in his ass.

"Oh Jamie," he groans, "oh Jamie."

I feel a warm tingling sensation in my balls. I can't hold it back anymore.

"Jamie," shouts Noah, "_DON'T COME ALONE!_"

"Too late!" I scream as the floodgates open, pumping pints of spooge into Noah's rectum.

I sigh with relief. Pulling out, I begin to move to the side, but Noah turns around and starts licking the residual jizz off my cock.

"Your cum tastes so good, Jamie. So good..."

"So what's the situation with the big group orgy?" I ask. "I mean, that's how this has to end..."

"Oh, it's looking great Jamie. It's on the books for tonight, in eight hours. You just have to find something to do until then."

I proceed to masturbate for the next eight hours.

--

It's time for the orgy. Woohoo! I love big gay furry orgies.

The ferret fucks the newt as the porcupine jizzes into the dingo's mouth. The shrew is taking a shit down the muskrat's throat as the springbox springs up and down the jaguar's rectum. The parakeet rims the bear as the bear sucks off the hartebeest. The hamster and the gerbil go at it in a 69 while the jackal frenches the finch. The elephant has her way with the mandrill. The roebuck rages his way up the kinkajou's pooper as the chinchilla licks the genitals of a koala. The woodchuck chick chucks her jaws around the vicuna's balls as the puma pounces playfully on the pronghorn. The jeroba jives jeerfully in response to seeing a salamander sex up a seal. The ram rages raggedly in response to the hyena humping the hog. An alpaca assraping an armadillo angers the chameleon cocksucking a cougar. The newt nestling with a mongoose madens a mare molesting a gazelle. A pensive platypus weeps at the sight of a pig pillaging the ass of an alligator.

Out of nowhere Noah appears. He has a present for me: a swing! He hangs it from the ceiling and I throw myself into it. Noah and the hippo begin strapping my legs to the sides of the walls as I lay back with my asshole exposed for easy penetration. A line quickly materializes, and I see dozens of beautiful fur covered bodies with erect, throbbing cocks ready to pillage my rectum. Mmm, ass piracy. Now this is what I call a swinger's party... lulz.

"I love you guys", I say to them as we sink into a beautiful furry orgy.

--

THE END


End file.
